Dealing with postpartum depression and postpartum preeclampsia

Yesterday I wrote my first blog ever and it felt so good to actually write about everything. So today I feel good about writing about the complications I had after my pregnancy. Right after I gave birth to Lana I did get to hold her for a while but then they took her away to to see why she wasn't crying as much and because she was a little pale. Come to find out she had some extra fluid in her lungs so she ended up going to the NICU. I ended up going to another room having to anxiously wait on the Dr. to give me some answers. He finally came in and explained to us that she was having some respiratory problems and that they were going to give her treatment for pneumonia and that she was going to have to stay in the NICU for 7 days. My heart just dropped to the floor. I could not believe that this was happening to my baby and that she wasn't going home with us when I got discharged. The next 2 days were a little hard for me. I imagined my pregnancy and labor to go smoothly. Now I was sitting in this empty room with no baby and it was just heart breaking for me.

The day I was discharged was a hard day for me. I knew I wasn't going home with Lana and that was really hard for me to deal with. The good thing was that I was going to be able to do the boarding program. I would be able to stay in a room upstairs with her and they would just have to come in to check her vitals and give her antibiotics. I wasn't able to get a room until Sunday and it was only Wednesday, so that to me seemed like forever. Right when we got into the car and drove home I was already missing her. I cry'ed when we got to the house and pretty much through the whole day. The next day we went to go see her and I got to feed her for the first time =) When we got back to the house I started to miss her really bad and I was pretty much to myself trying not to cry but it just didn't work. I just wanted to go to sleep already so I could see her the next day. Friday and Saturday was pretty much the same way as Thursday, we got to see her and feed her and my husband changed his first diaper! And then we got home, I kept to myself again and crying. Finally Sunday came around and I couldn't be any happier. Even though I wasn't taking her home yet at least we were going to be in the same room with each other. I got to the room around 5 pm and they brought her up around 6. It was so great to see her and when the nurses left I just picked her up and held her in my arms. The first night with her was pretty hard. She sure does let you know when she's hungry or when her diaper needs a changing. I did not get to sleep at all that night. I held her pretty much the whole night until the next morning. The next night was a lot easier. Tuesday finally came and she was going home that day. I had to bring her back to the NICU so she could get discharged but that didn't happen till about 2 pm. So I had to wait for a phone call from them to let me know that I could come get her. I met my husband at the hospital and we raced right up to the NICU and we took home our little girl.
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The next day I decided that I wanted to go out and do some shopping. So we decided that we would go on base to pick up a few things and to get our cell phone charger that I had left in the room. So while I was getting ready I felt this gush of fluid. I was already bleeding from the episiotomy but this just didn't feel right. I decided to go to the E.R. to see if everything was ok, they took my blood pressure but they really didn't say much to me about it. They called me back to see the Dr. and he checked my bleeding and he said that everything was fine. He said that he wasn't worried about my bleeding but was worried about how high my blood pressure was. He then explained to me that I was probably going to be admitted into the hospital. I was taken to the back where I was put on a bed and hooked up to a bp machine. One of the Dr's that was in the room with me when I was delivering came to see me and explained to me that I had to be admitted for postpartum preeclampsia. I really wasn't sure what that was but she told me it was from high blood pressure after pregnancy. I came to find out that my bp was around 180 and normal bp is 110-120, so that was really high, in the Dr's own words " sky rocketing". I wasnt allowed to walk to my room just in case I would get a stroke or a seizure. How do you react to someone telling you that you could have a stroke or a seizure from this? I was put on a magnesium drip for my bp and a potassium drip as well, since it showed that I was low in that too. All I could think in my head was "why is this happening to me?!" I stayed in the hospital for 2 days and it was no fun. I was drowsy and drugged up from the magnesium drip so I was in bed the whole time. I was only allowed to have beef broth for all 3 meals and juice. Thursday evening they took me off the magnesium drip to see how my bp was. It was pretty steady but went up here and there. Friday morning I felt much better and I was discharged and put on bp medication. It was hard for me to deal with the postpartum preeclampsia. I started getting headaches and I was always so hot. I went to Target by myself the next day, which was a bad idea because when I got in there I started feeling dizzy and shaky and I felt like I was going to pass out. I had to get out of there asap. When I got home I had Mike take my bp and it was 170! I just started crying and then I got a really bad migraine. My head was pounding so hard to where I couldn't even sleep. The days seemed like it was just getting harder for me to deal with. I was always so sad and always crying. I cry'ed almost every day. I had symptoms of depression but was never diagnosed with it, only because I never mentioned it to my Dr.. But I knew in the back of my head that it was postpartum depression. The next couple of weeks I just stayed in the house all day long. I wouldn't go outside because it was too bright for me. My days consisted of me crying, taking medication and checking my blood pressure while taking care of my newborn daughter. So I had a lot on my plate. I just wanted all of this to go away and I didn't know why all of this was happening to me. All I knew was that I wanted things to be normal and for me to be able to to walk around w/out having to worry about my bp getting too high. I just wanted to enjoy my time with Lana.

Im going to be a mommy!

So im sitting here on my couch staring at this screen trying to figure out what I should write. I look down and see my beautiful almost 2 month old baby girl staring up at me and I it finally comes to me. What better way to start of this blog writing about my journey through my first pregnancy with my daughter Lana.

I found out I was pregnant in October. It was just one of those days I kept telling myself that I needed to take a test. So I rushed off to the store and bought one and I go straight to the bathroom. I know 3 minutes is a short time but when your waiting to see if the test is negative or positive, it seems like its forever! Finally its that time, I finally gain enough courage to look at it and I see the + sign. My heart seriously jumped out of my chest. I was excited and nervous at the same. Was I really ready to be a mom? Well it took about 5 pregnancy tests for me to get to in my head that I was going to be a mom!

The first couple of months were great and then the morning sickness hit me. Im talking about not being able to keep anything down or eat anything decent. I got it pretty bad. So it was saltine crackers and ginger ale most of the time for me. When that finally went away everything was great. I was able to eat most of the foods that I wanted. Dont get me wrong I ate healthy but I gave in to some of my junk food cravings. Who doesnt when they are pregnant. If you were able to ignore your junk food cravings then I applaud you. RAISENETS.....my guilty pleasure! oh and chocolate chip cookies and mint chocolate ice cream here and there.

me 14 weeks

23 weeks

31 weeks 1 day 

36 weeks 4 days

I dont think everyones pregnancy is perfect the whole 9 months. If it is then your lucky. I know mine wasnt. My first trip to the E.R. was when I was about 6 months. I woke up one morning and went to use the bathroom and thats when I realized that I was bleeding. The first thing that crossed my mind was that I was having a miscarriage. I called my husband at work and he rushed home to take me to the hospital. All I could do was just pray that everything was ok. I couldnt stop crying . So when we get there they put me in a labor and delivery room and hook me up to the baby heart monitor and another monitor for contractions. So as im laying there and shes hooking up the heart monitor, im anxiously waiting to hear something and finally I hear it, my daughters heart beat. After 4 hrs pass they couldnt figure out why I was bleeding. I had to go to my hospital where I was being seen at the next day. The same thing, they also had no answer to why I was bleeding. The Dr. said it was just one of those things that just happens. After having to go through all of this I wasnt expecting to have to go to the E.R. again but I did. One day when I was heading out to do some shopping I was walking down my stairs and I slipped and fell on my back and slid down the stairs. I could not believe that just happened. Im freaking out and lying on my couch to see if shes kicking or moving but I could not feel anything. So now im trying to call my husband on his phone and his work phone but no answer. I finally drove myself to my hospital and they put me in a room where they hook me up again to a baby heart monitor and I hear her heart beat. I had to stay there for four hours just to make sure that I wasn't having contractions . Everything looked good and they finally released me. Ever since that day I was very careful walking down my stairs. 

So finally July came around and im already super anxious to have this baby already. Being pregnant in the summer is not fun. Especially with the kind of humidity we get here. Everyone I know is telling me that im going to have her on the 4th of July. Well 4th of July comes around and still no baby. July 5th sometime in the afternoon I go to use the bathroom and im spotting. Im not sure what to make of it so I call labor and delivery and they tell me that its my cervix getting ready since my due date is around the corner, oh yeah I forgot to mention that I was due July 11th. Well later on that day I go to the bathroom and this time I see that I might have lost my mucus plug. So im going online to find pictures of it but no luck! Im still pretty excited to know that it might be that. 2 hrs later thats when I start feeling what might be contractions. I finally knew for sure that it was that night. Im pacing back and forth in my living room and trying to make a decision if I should go in. I call back and they tell me that my contractions should be about 3-5 minutes apart to go in. Finally I couldnt take it anymore and I felt like they were 3-5 minutes apart so we went it. I go into a small room where they hook me up to a monitor and it does show me having contractions but they weren't consistent and I was only 2 cm dilated. They sent me home and my contractions got a little bit worse so I went back in a couple hrs later hoping I was 4 cm dilated. I went through the whole process again and I was still 2 cm dilated but my contractions were bothering me so they gave me some kind of pain medicine. I actually got to sleep for a while till 5 am the next day. I ended going back home, we stopped by the pharmacy to pick up some pain medication and thats when I noticed that it was wearing off. When we got home we decided to lay down and try and sleep but that was not happening for me. The contractions were intense. It hurt so bad to where I was crying and yelling. My husband had me jump in the shower and it worked a little but now I felt like I had to push and thats when I knew it was time to go back. Finally we get there and I can hardly walk because of the pain but I knew I had to get in there asap!! They finally admit me and rush me into a room, where I jump right into the bed. The nurse checked me and thats when she told me that I was already 9 cm dilated and that I wasn't getting my epidural! This was it, I was going to have my daughter. The pushing wasn't the problem it was the contractions that hurt but it was all worth it. I was pushing for about 30-40 minutes and finally Lana was born at 11:11 am July 6th, 2010 8lbs 5oz!